life: unmasked — Humbled by the Gospel

In an effort to become more authentic in the blog, I’ve started doing something new, and joined Joy, a new writer I’ve come to know, in sharing about life: unmasked. I’m grateful for Joy’s allowing me to participate in this blog meme, and look forward to sharing some of my struggles, questions, and failures.

Recently I’ve written blogs on life not being about us, in conjunction with the in media res theme that Preston, David, and Stephanie addressed so beautifully, and about fearing God. These blogs have a different tone than many of the others I write. Partially because I’m trying to become a better writer, but mostly because I needed to hear those words as much as I wanted to write them. Because, truth be told, I live my life as if I were the functional center of the universe, not really fearing God at all.

I walk around thinking that I’m doing so humbly, but in my heart I look back and see that I wreak of pride. I set my sights on being like Christ, not realizing how much I fall short until it’s too late. Then I read a blog, a book, or the Bible and the violent, fearsome grace of God in the gospel beautifully wrecks my soul, sending my body hurdling to the foot of the cross in repentance.

I then do what we normally do, say I’m sorry and promise I’ll do better. But even in that, there is pride. “I’ll do better.” In that one phrase, a seemingly harmless acknowledgment of needing to improve, I consider myself as the one who has the strength to do better. In that one statement, even during repentance of selfishness and pride, I embrace pride by thinking that I can do better. If I was truly repentant, I would really acknowledge that I can’t do better, and fall desperately on the grace of God in the cross of Christ to change who I am, and rely on the Holy Spirit to change me as He wills.

Repentance isn’t saying “I’ll do better.” Repentance is saying “God, make me like Jesus.” Repentance is trusting in God’s giving us Christ’s righteousness and asking Him to work in and through us as He wills, for His glory and our ultimate joy in Him.

Repentance is trusting that Jesus + Nothing really does equal Everything.