Writing seems to come easily for me. Normally, anyway. But there are times when words cease to flow. I feel so lazy when I don’t write, because I know the content of my writing stems from deep thought about topics that I feel really matter. Faith, Theology, Christianity, the Gospel. My writing flows from contemplating these things. Yet, there are times when I have nothing to say. Nothing pressing on my mind. No feeling of “If I don’t write this, my heart is going to burst!” This scares me, to a degree, because it reminds me that I probably haven’t been reading and thinking deeply enough to cause such an overflow of words poured out onto a page.
But, I still find myself asking whether God is just giving me a rest. Giving me a break to focus on work, relationships, and improving my health. I don’t know. Yet I can’t escape the feeling that, for me, writing is ministry. If to no one else, to myself. Writing stirs my affections for Christ almost more than reading does. So, it would seem that all of these other good things that keep me from stirring my heart’s affections for my Savior are, to a degree, distractions. Or maybe God’s trying to cause me to grow in different ways, without the written word as my constant companion? Maybe God’s trying to mold and shape me to invest in people as much as I do in books and study?
Maybe I just need to be more disciplined with my time and resources? Maybe God’s trying to break me free from finding my identity as the “Theology guy who reads a lot,” or as the “Amateur blogger who writes about Jesus,” and trying to press me into finding my identity as simply being His again. Maybe it’s all of these things.
I don’t have the answers to these questions, but I do have confidence in the One who has the answers to guide me where He wills. Wherever that happens to be.
Grace and Peace.