There is perhaps no greater visible example of sin’s effect on the world than death. It is the most visible act of separation that we can see, when a person’s spirit leaves the body. In our fallen, broken world, it is a perpetual example of the separation from God that those who aren’t in Christ endure now, and will endure for eternity if they do not repent. It is such a clear picture that it shocks us when someone we know dies. We get so used to not really thinking about the totality of sin’s effect, that when someone dies we are jolted as this reality forces itself upon us. As such, death is also a great indicator of our spiritual status as well.
The pastor of the church I attended as a child and youth passed away two days ago. I wasn’t able to attend the viewing last night, but when my mom told me about it, I was stunned. There were hundreds of people there, and my parents stood in line for two hours to greet the family. As empathetic as I am for those close to him, I found myself thinking that I wish there would be that many people at my viewing and funeral. While that’s probably selfish, albeit unconsciously, it led me to a bigger question: What would they say?
Would those who attend my funeral say that I was a man who pressed toward Christ? Would they say that I was someone who really lived what I claimed to believe? Would they say that I was deluded and thought I had it altogether, when it reality I was falling apart at the seams at every turn? Would they say that I recognized how jacked up I really am, and relied solely on the grace of God to get me through? Would they say that I lived to spur others on toward the gospel and the love of God’s glory?
I can’t answer those questions now. Partly because my race isn’t finished. Partly because I know what I would desire consciously, but am I really able to take into account the unconscious, more revealing moments?
More importantly, what will Christ say? Will He look at me and say “Well done.”, will He say “Dude, you settled for far less than I wanted you to be. You could have glorified Me more.”, or will He say “I never really knew you. Get out”?
Fortunately, everything I’ve read in Scripture gives me reason to believe that I won’t hear the last option. It’s the possibility of the second option, the “barely making it” concept, that terrifies me. I realize that my citizenship in the Kingdom of God isn’t based on my actions, but on Christ’s alone. He did everything. It’s in light of this grace that the notion of hearing “You could have done more for Me” is sickening to me. It terrifies me because that is the same as Christ saying “I gave my all for you. Why did you hold back?”.
I may not be taking God’s sovereignty into account as much as I should while I’m processing this, but we are called to lay down our lives for the sake of the Kingdom. However the sovereignty of God has to move on us to enable us to take this action, it’s still an action we actually take.
So this leaves me with a final question: Am I really laying down my life for the sake of the Kingdom?
