A couple years ago, I started being more authentic on the blog, and joined Joy, a writer I came to know and respect, in sharing about life:unmasked, in which I share some of my struggles, questions, and failures. I may link up with her or I’ll just do it on my own. Either way, I feel it’s important to live and write unmasked.
“I’m sorry.” I’ve always known the importance of these words. It’s always been like the salve that soothes a wound as it heals. Yet, it hasn’t been until recently that I’ve felt the weight of this shortest of sentences.
If you’re new to the blog or Twitter, I got engaged over the holidays. Planning the wedding has been an exciting, fun time. It’s also been challenging. It’s been a merging of the thoughts and dreams of two people about one of the most important days in our lives. Sometimes that merging has felt a bit more like a collision than fitting puzzle pieces together. Rarely because of differing underlying values, but usually because someone said something well-intentioned, but actually pretty stupid or it comes across all wrong (I’ll let you figure out who).
Once I realize what happened, it’s time for those words: I’m sorry.
It wasn’t until lately that I realized that these words put together aren’t just a salve to make someone feel better. This is a confession. A confession that I’m not perfect, that I’m broken, and that I’m in need of redemption and restoration. A confession that I’ve wounded my best friend in some way, even if unintentional. A confession that I need to grow as a man, as a leader, and as a Christian. A confession that I need Jesus and the gospel now even more than I did when I was single.
But these words are also a confession of hope. Because just as much as these words scream out that I was wrong, they also declare that my heart is still sensitive to the damage caused by not loving Angela well. It’s a sentence that falls on grace. Grace that Angela would forgive me for being a bonehead at times, and faith that God will give both of us the grace and strength to stay sensitive toward each other, and toward God, in times of difficulty and disagreement.
It’s a confession of brokenness and repentance, and of grace and faith. It’s a confession that God is still the God of this relationship, and that means that no matter how boneheaded I manage to be over the years that we’ll make it through to the end, by God’s grace.
And this is life:unmasked
Soli Deo Gloria
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